Purpose in Your Pain
If you’re reading this blog post, undoubtedly you’ve experienced (or are experiencing) pain and suffering. Whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual, we all have a story to tell about hopelessness banging on the well worn doors of our soul.
There’s a story I want to tell you about a friend of mine. She was dealing with an unknown, undiagnosed illness for over 10 years. She sought help from countless doctors from all specialties who ran every lab, test, and imaging exam they could think of with no answers. One day, standing outside of the doctor’s office that would be her very last appointment before her insurance ran out as well as her savings, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly while she waited for the doctor to come into the room. She reminded herself once again that he was the top specialist in his field and surely he would know something about her condition. The appointment only lasted a total of 20 minutes and no matter how often she heard the heart-wrenching news it never got any easier: there was nothing the doctor could do, and he had no idea what was happening to her. She nodded her head knowingly feeling disappointed, frustrated, numb, angry, and accepting of her fate.
Have you been there too? Or if not you personally, have you walked through something similar with a loved one?
My friend - the one from my story above - is actually your friend too, just an ancient one. Her full story is found in Mark 5.
“A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. For she thought to herself, ‘If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.’”
Her story takes place in a time and culture where she was deemed “unclean” and no one dared touch her for fear of becoming unclean by association. Imagine the toll that would’ve taken on her psychologically and the loneliness she must have felt. Now consider the boldness it took for the “unclean” woman to show up in a huge crowd of people. Imagine the shock, the dirty looks being thrown her way. She knew what the people thought of her and probably knew she was risking being the talk of the town even more so than she already was. Ultimately though, she believed that Jesus was who he claimed to be and that merely touching his clothing would be enough to heal her.
The narrative continues, “Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition. Jesus realized at once that healing power had gone out from him, so he turned around in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my robe?’ His disciples said to him, ‘Look at this crowd pressing around you. How can you ask, ‘Who touched me?’ But he kept on looking around to see who had done it.”
I love this part! Jesus knows exactly who she is and why she touched his robe. He isn’t afraid of her so-called “uncleanliness”, and he is not maliciously calling her out in front of a big crowd. No, he wants to publicly acknowledge the woman (who other people shunned and avoided) and remind her of who she is.
“Then the frightened woman, trembling at the realization of what had happened to her, came and fell to her knees in front of him and told him what she had done. And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.’”
This woman, shaking with fear and whose name we aren’t told, is given true identity when Jesus calls her daughter and tells her to go in peace. I wonder what that peace must have felt like after 12 long years of torment. She clearly needed physical healing, but her mind and heart could finally have peace and arguably that might’ve been what she was truly craving.
When I read this passage a few years ago, I couldn’t help but think of all the people in the crowd that Jesus didn’t heal that day. No doubt there were other women like her who were hurting deeply and maybe felt unseen in the sea of people. Women who walked away at the end of the day rejoicing that our friend had been healed, but remained heartbroken by their own suffering.
It’s really hard when healing doesn’t come for ourselves or our loved ones, or when it doesn’t come the way we thought it would. You’re not alone if you wonder where God is in the midst of it all, or when you struggle with doubts of his goodness toward you.
In times where God feels far off and we wrestle internally through doubts and fears, we can confidently know that God is with us still. He has given us this promise from the lips of our Savior; “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Our struggle isn’t just an internal one however. The devil is actively working against us and trying to get a foothold in our lives. From sowing seeds of doubt in Eve in the garden by asking her, “Did God really say ...?” to today asking us, “Does God really love you and want good for you?” his tactics haven’t changed all that much. In fact, those are often the thoughts I find myself plagued with during trials.
God reassures us in Scripture that when we belong to Him and are called according to His purpose, that He works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). Does that mean we won’t suffer? No. Does that mean it will be easy? Absolutely not. In fact the Bible clarifies that we will in fact have suffering in this life but that we shouldn’t lose heart when we do (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
God is close to us even in these times - especially in these times. He fights for us, and our suffering will always be more endurable with Him than without Him.
A powerful verse I’ve reminded myself of constantly is 1 Timothy 1:7 which says: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.”
Ironically enough, the times this verse usually comes to mind are the times I feel like I don’t have a sound mind, but feel incredibly anxious instead. God in his unfailing love and grace says that his Spirit in us gives us the ability to have not only a sound mind but power over fear and love in the midst of it.
