Where I Choose to Dwell
This piece was originally written and posted to Rose's Facebook page in May of 2019. We trust it will still encourage your soul today.
The valley of the shadow of the what ifs is where my mind chooses to dwell today. Choosing the burdens to bear on my back makes me feel strong and capable to carry heavy loads. My knees buckle. Were these burdens meant for me? Perhaps I should rather kneel and pray. But my mind races to fear, running for haven in dreams, expectations, and desires disguised as normal and good.
The fear of failure
The fear of want
The fear of suffering
Or, if I am being honest, simply the fear of inconvenience and the not-so-easy road
The fear of missing out
The fear of not-picture-perfect
My fears fly in my face, creating a swarm larger than life. I feel powerless and feed the cloud with my anxiety. It spins out of control, but I somehow delight in feeling in control. Because the fears are mine and personal. They are what I want. That is what it boils down to. Like a small child writhing on the floor in misery for want of a candy or trinket, this is the road I’ve chosen. But the anxiety torments me. The fear dominates me. The worries are like teeth tearing at me again and again. They don’t break the skin, but they put me in a frenzy that causes me to act erratically and do and say things I regret. And the relationships that meant the most to me sometimes get damaged. And I wonder why I am walking this path, and is this indeed what I really want?
So, I go back, and try to kneel and pray. Like a child clamoring for attention, I bring my choice fears and anxieties before Father God. “Surely, these are what You want for me?” I may or may not parade them one by one before Him… “Surely safety and protection was a reputable concern, worth all my overthinking, nagging, and lecturing?” He actually listens to each and every prayer. He hears me out. As I continue on and on parading them one by one, I start to feel sheepish. As the words come out of my mouth, I start to see them for what they really are and feel embarrassed. He doesn’t even laugh at me.
Then I remember how He has always loved me, how His attention is never diverted or distracted, and how He’s always taken care of me… and it makes me want to stop talking and be quiet.
So I put my little worries back in their toy box and sit at His feet and listen to Him as He reminds me of His promises. For the umpteenth time, He tells me that no matter what, He will always be with me. My muscles relax and I notice that the weird pain in my neck doesn’t hurt like it did before.
Tomorrow or the next day, I may go back to fetch my worries out again. Circumstances may test me. I may blame the world around me for giving just cause for anxiety.
But time and again my Father has reassured me, giving me peace. So, for now, today, I decide to leave behind the what ifs for God’s goodness and mercy and stick with Him. I want to be with Him and that’s all that matters.
When anxiety overtakes you, consider…
Psalm 37:8 says, “Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.”
1 Peter 5:6 says, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
Psalm 94:19 says, “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
When concerns overwhelm you, consider...
Psalm 118:6 says, “The Lord is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me?”
Romans 8:31 and 32 say, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?”
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
