Leaning Into the Gray

Dear Self: What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do

Note: Over the past few years I’ve faced quite a few decisions that I had no idea how to approach. Through His grace and much trial and error, God has laid on my heart a framework for dealing with these types of situations. Below are some notes from my jumbled thoughts that I pray you may find helpful as you navigate your own tough decisions.

Seek God first. Put down the phone—social media will not help. Through Jesus, you have the privilege to draw near to the throne of grace to find help in time of need so put it to good use!

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16 NIV)

 It is hard to draw near when all you want to do is run, hide or fight. It’s okay if you’re messy when you come to God; He can handle it! Vent to Him in your journal, go on a walk, sit in silence, whatever it takes, just go to God! But don’t stop there. Remind yourself that He is God and it’s His throne to which you are drawing near. Open yourself to what He wants to say, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Remember that Jesus said that the key to closeness to God is your obedience to Him.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” (John 14:23)

Seek God’s Word. While you’re in that space of humility before God, invite the Holy Spirit to instruct you through His Word.

 “...The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” (John 14:26)

Is God bringing Scripture to mind? Look it up in your Bible and read at least 3 verses before and after it, asking Him what it means. Are you drawing a blank? Get out that concordance or a search site like Biblegateway.com and start looking up keywords related to the topic, again opening it up in context.

Consider the people around you. Take a moment and think about how your decision will affect those around you: your unbelieving roommate, your natural family and the family of God. Will your actions encourage peace and encouragement in the ways of God?

“…let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”--Romans 14:19

If you have a husband, what are his thoughts on the situation? Have you brought his opinion before the Lord? Pray that the Lord would give him wisdom and that the two of you would be united in your decision, even if that means He needs to change one of your hearts. Note that this means being open to the Lord changing your heart.

Seek godly counsel. If you feel the need to run it by someone else, again avoid social media. Ask the Lord to bring a woman to mind who can help you pray through this situation. She may be someone who can lend some professional advice or simply someone who has spent years in God’s Word. You aren’t looking for someone to tell you exactly what to do—you’re looking for wisdom (practical and Biblical advice) on what direction you should take. Prepare for your meeting with her by clearing a few hours in a quiet space and setting your heart in a place of humility. Then listen.

Make your relationship with Christ the priority. At some point you have to make a decision and failing to move forward is a decision in and of itself. If God speaks directly to your situation in the Bible then follow that! Avoid people-pleasing and seek to follow Jesus by asking yourself what actions you can take before God without shame.

Lean into the anxiety. Being anxious after giving your problem over to God is not a sign of sin or lack of trust; rather it’s an invitation to draw near again and again for help. Your feeling of being out of control is a reminder of your utter dependence upon God! Like the widow of Luke 18, use your anxiety to drive you back to your faithful Judge.

Choose to walk in faith. You can shut off the cycling anxious thoughts by focusing your attention on what’s in front of you.

 Whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, or commendable, if there is any excellence or anything worthy of praise, think on these things. As for the things you have learned, received, heard, and seen in [your spiritual mentors], practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8 & 9 paraphrased)

What are the good things and hidden blessings in your life you can focus on right now? Do you need to take a vacation, work out or go for a walk with a friend? Do it!

Where are the areas that God is calling you to be faithful today? Have you been spending time in His Word and show up at church even when you don’t feel like it?  Is there a report due on your boss’ desk tomorrow, a toilet to be cleaned, or a little one to snuggle? Get to work!

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

More often than not, walking in faith does not mean a huge leap into the dark but rather simply doing what needs to be done despite your circumstances. Walking in faith is choosing to celebrate the good God has given you, both the eternal and the momentary blessings, rather than the issue that is troubling you.

Celebrate His faithfulness. It may take months or years to see God work out your issue but when you do, be sure to celebrate it! In the meantime, enjoy the sweet place of closeness with Jesus before the throne of grace that is only by trusting Him and walking in faithfulness. More than answered prayer, prosperity, or even security, closeness with Jesus brings satisfaction and peace.